Saturday, 19 October 2013


This has nothing to do with writing.

Just so we're clear.

I'm in my mid-thirties now. I'm single, never been married, and I have no children. The children thing is entirely by choice. God only knows which of my previous disasters I'd still have to see every weekend if I'd had kids. But, I would very much like to get married. I am under no illusions about my suitability for such an arrangement, to go all Jane Austen about it. I'd be a terrible wife, if you accept the definition of "wife", which as far as a lot of men are concerned is "child-bearer, maid and sex slave."

I have personally encountered "My wife doesn't understand me!" It was in a pub, about two years ago. He started chatting to me and the first thing I looked for was a wedding ring. And there it was. That's your first mistake, mister. I don't do married men. Never have, never will. It's bad karma. So, he starts in with the whole "You're a very attractive woman" thing. I said "Isn't your wife an attractive woman?" and he prevaricates and then it turns out he has three children. So, his wife is sitting at home looking after kids this man shot sperm to conceive, while he's out chatting up other women and SHE doesn't understand HIM? Heh. Yeah. I said "Why don't you divorce her, then?" It was like he'd been slapped in the face. Divorce had never occured to him, and why would it? He's got a woman at home pushing out kids and doing all his washing and ironing for him. I can understand it on an unemotional level - I'm free. I don't have a noisy house, I wouldn't make demands on his time, I would be something different and interesting. Until I wasn't interesting or different anymore. One thing I've learned is that in general, men don't stay in relationships that don't suit them anymore. And if they don't suit them, they'll play low and dirty. I'm enough of a bitch to be immune to their manipulative shite, but not every woman is. Especially if she's financially reliant on him. Maybe he didn't really want to marry her, and maybe she didn't really want to marry him. Maybe they settled. They did what was expected of them.

I would not and will not settle. I won't do that. It doesn't interest me. And I think too many people do it. I don't mean it as a criticism. It can be hard to go against the flow and choose to do something different. But I've met so many women who end up trapped in unhappy marriages once they have children. Women with children often work part time, and those that work full time are often hit with huge childcare costs. They simply can't afford to be single, even though I would argue once you have kids you can never really be single again, male or female. At least whatever else happens in my life, I won't be trapped. I will always be free.

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